I'm currently at a point in my life where being on antidepressants is both a financial burden and an unwanted emotional barrier. I've been on and off medications for my anxiety and moodiness for a full decade now, and when I was a teen, it was necessary. As an adult, I've found that every permutation of medication I take only serves to stunt my ability to feel, among other side effects (it was just awesome having night terrors while on Cymbalta, or not being able to eat despite being hungry while on Welbutrin).
However, it's days like these when I wished there was something out there that would take the edge off of my drop-of-a-pin sobbing trigger. Sometimes it's the slightest, most dispassionate thing that sets me off. Like the fact the my uncle came over tonight and fixed the electrical connection behind our washing machine. Pretty standard, right? Nooooooo, it got me thinking: Uncle Nick works long hours and has his own family to care for, and he came out at 8 at night to help us. Not only that, but he is constantly fixing our cars (and refusing full payment), he was one of the first responders when my brother was in the hospital, he paid for my prom dress - you see where this is snowballing, right? If not: I turned a simple familial act of kindness into an opus of emotional gratitude. I had to run to my room to compose myself because I literally almost burst into tears. And this kind of crap happens to me at least twice a day!
As lame as these random outbursts are, I really can't justify finding another psychiatrist and paying an exorbitant amount of money on meds each month to curb them. I managed to get through the worst year of my life (thus far) without antidepressants, and I'm still here. And, as dumb as the random crying during commercials and wedding shows is, I value my ability to feel things as strongly as I do. It's a part of who I am, and until it becomes a true impediment to my everyday life, I'm going to continue to not medicate myself. And my fiance will just have to deal with my "that scene in [insert TV/Film title here] was so touching!" tears. <3
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