So I start student teaching the day after tomorrow, and I'm trying desperately to stave off a massive panic attack. In the rational part of my brain, I know that I really don't have much to be stressed out about: it's only the first day, so I won't be expected to do much. I'll just be meeting everyone for the first time, staff and students. In the manic part of my brain, which tends to cannibalize the rational part, I'm hearing "OMFG, you have to go to bed early tomorrow night, and get up at 6:30am, and make sure your hair and outfit and make up is super professional, and leave so that you can get to school in plenty of time (which reminds me, I need to Google the exact location to determine the best route), and what/when are you gonna eat?, and then you have to leave in time to make your advisor meeting at Post at 4:15....."
I wish my rational sector could effectively subdue the manic sector. No matter what I tell myself, or what other people tell me, I can't fully relax. I think it's the silly things that worry me the most. Like, I'm going to be in heels all day (not tall ones, but they're elevated) and I'm afraid my feet will fall apart. And I'm afraid that because I won't get to eat until 3 or so, my tummy is going to twist in knots and I'm going to be in pain all morning.
I'm also worried that I'll be watching the clock and time will be moving in slow motion like when I was in middle school. It should move pretty fast, but again, any and every irrational fear is coming at me like darts at a board.
Le sigh. I wish I could just wake up in the morning and do things without having a meltdown like everyone else does.
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