Yet again, we Americans find ourselves embroiled in another
no-merit scandal involving the utterly false right-wing propagated "War on
Christmas." This year, the "scandal" manifested in the Starbucks
2015 holiday cup design; they decided to forgo all imagery and chose a plain
red cup with subtle ombre shading. So, the "scandal" is not what they
have printed on the side of their cups – but what is NOT printed: any Christmas
specific imagery. Blowhard Christian zealot Joshua Feuerstein took offense to a
blank fucking cup, and began a social media campaign to shame Starbucks for
inflicting religious oppression (by omission of Christmas-related symbols) and
has riled other dimwitted Christians who self-identify as persecuted to fight
back by tricking Starbucks employees into writing "Merry Christmas"
on the side of their cups a la giving their names as "Merry Christmas"
when taking their order.
I cannot stress this enough: if you are preoccupied or outraged by an inoffensive red coffee cup that Starbucks has chosen to dump
your coffee into this winter, the logical conclusion is not "let me inform
this corporate slave that my name is 'Merry Christmas' so I can effectively trick
the company into showcasing the fact that I celebrate Christmas on the cup."
It is don't fucking give Starbucks your
money, you mental midget!
For the last few days I've Liked common-sense rebuttals to
this sheer bullshit as I've seen them on Facebook and while I've nearly rolled
my eyes enough to detach them from my sockets, I haven't been especially angry.
Until I read this steaming pile of crap:
http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/09/opinions/parini-starbucks-holiday-cups/index.html
For the record, I've read things by this CNN columnist
before and have found him generally sensible and pragmatic for a
self-proclaimed Christian – his opinions are usually measured and I have agreed
with him in the past on several political and legal issues. But this opinion
piece is so plainly wrong on so many levels I literally can't type my
opposition fast enough to keep up with the fury in my mind.
First of all, read the article – it's only a few misguided
paragraphs. Ok? Second of all: let me clarify that I think that Starbucks
is a giant evil corporation that is absurdly overpriced and overrated. Parini
writes this after summarizing Starbucks' description from their website: "[the design] is a 'blank canvas' on which customers can 'tell
their Christmas stories in their own way.' The company appears to be giving in
to some foolish idea about what is politically correct, somehow imagining this
will make for a more 'inclusive' atmosphere in its coffee shops." He goes on to say that Starbucks is de facto full of it because
they've let their PC-ness reach "an absurd level" when they "removed even the most secular symbols
of the holiday season, including reindeer and tree ornaments, from its paper
cups. The company thinks that by getting rid of the offensive reindeer, they
will somehow foster a 'culture of belonging, inclusion and diversity.'"
No, asshat: the company thought that by avoiding any kind of design at all,
they were saving money by not hiring a design team, and probably saving on
printing costs, in addition to avoiding flak from annoying Christian zealots
who were offended by the secular nature of their previous cup designs.
However, this marketing choice clearly backfired horribly
for SB because asshole people like Joshua Ferenstein and Jay Parini think
corporate decisions are made solely to keep from offending bullying non-Christian
consumers – when really corporate decisions are made to reflect the economic
bottom line. I can only assume Starbucks believed that by simply omitting
religious and secular imagery from their seasonal cups they were saving money
somewhere, in addition to hopefully avoiding a commentary from both angry
Christians (for whom nothing has enough Jesus in it) and angry non-Christians
(who justly feel like various institutions are forcing the agenda of one religion that they do
not practice on the masses unfairly).
Ultimately and surprisingly: STARBUCKS IS FOR ONCE NOT THE
VILLAIN IN THIS STORY. The villain in this made up scandal is overly sensitive
Christians who are angry that Christmas no longer has the monopoly on
end-of-the-year marketing in corporate America. This does not constitute a
"War" on Christmas – it constitutes a recognition by corporations
that Christmas time is a consumer frenzy that they can manipulate for profit, but
there are other religions that have holidays that coincide with the Christmas
season and they can increase profits by not alienating Jews, Muslims, and
practitioners of other religious beliefs by dialing back Christian-religious
imagery in their ads.
Parini suspects a non-economic motive; he writes: "the truth is that Christmas has become largely a
secular holiday, one most often represented by Rudolf with his bright red nose,
reindeer, and green or red ornaments hanging on pine trees that have nothing to
do with Christianity, and indeed hark back to a variety of ancient myths,
including ones that invoke pagan and Norse traditions. It's downright nutty to
think that reindeer and ornaments exclude anyone."
This is the part of the article that sparked my outrage.
Basically this moron is stating that most of the things we associate with
Christmas aren't even Christian in origin, so it's wrong of people to think of
those symbols as being exclusionary to non-Christians. Let me dumb this
down even more: THIS HYPOCRITE IS UPSET THAT COMPANIES ARE LEAVING OUT IMAGERY
FROM THEIR CHRISTMAS-TIME MARKETING THAT HAVE NO ORIGIN IN CHRISTIANITY!!!!
He's making the argument that reindeer and tree ornaments – two items Jesus
never ever ever ever encountered historically nor mentions in any biblical
context – can't be considered offensive to non-Christians because they aren't
JudeoChristian concepts, they became associated with the holiday after
Christianity was introduced in pagan Europe. He then gives background on the
pagan and Christian traditions that manifest in our modern celebration of
Christmas and says "Christmas is a story that has both religious and pagan
origins, and to ignore its power is to ignore the power of myth -- those
symbols and legends that help us to ground our lives."
Assclown: "pagan" and "religious" are
not mutually exclusive concepts – what you mean to say is Christmas is a
holiday that has traditional celebratory elements from biblical legends and
medieval pagan religious practices. Mangers and wise men are from the Jesus
origin story, jolly fat men and reindeer and conifer trees are pagan in origin.
All aforementioned images are recognizably symbolic of Christmas to modern Americans.
I will agree that Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman and
mistletoe are very innocuous (and non-biblical in origin) and aren't overtly
offensive to Jewish or Hindu practitioners; nor do I think many of them were
ever offended by depictions of reindeer or tree ornaments on their megachain
coffee cups. But if you think that by omitting these kinds of decorative
elements from a coffee cup a corporation is, as Parini puts it: "an
attempt to peel away even the secular side of Christmas -- to strip all texture
and mythic potential from contemporary life" – you are a fucking imbecile.
Starbucks is not ignoring the supposed "grounding"
symbols of Christmas – Starbucks trying to capitalize on anything that will
bring more sheeple into locations to buy their over-priced coffee. They made a
calculated decision to skip out on a design on their cups altogether this year and guessed
wrong that it was the least controversial option.
The thing that drives me absolutely crazy is this entitled
idea that zealot Christians have that representations of their religious
holiday need to be pronounced on any and all consumer packaging in order for
them to feel validated that the nation and various corporations aren't
persecuting them for their beliefs. It's completely antithetical to the
biblical teachings of their savior, Jesus Christ. If the
Jesus from 2000 years ago was exposed to the modern, commercially exploitative
holiday that celebrates his birth, he'd say something akin to “Father, forgive
them for they know not know what they are doing!" According to the Bible, which for zealot
Christians is the literal word of God, Jesus preached humbleness and asceticism,
he preached the abandonment of material wealth and the building of loving human
relationships – he didn't give a rat's ass about the drawings that may or may
not have decorated the drinking cups at the damn inn! If they insist that
Christmas is under siege, they should be shaming corporations for usurping the spiritual
teachings of Christ by inflicting capitalist pressure on the general public to
buy buy buy gifts – not accusing corporate stooges for diminishing their
Christmas experience by caving in to the "PC Police" by choosing not
to put corny images on the cups that hold their drinks.
In conclusion: if you are more offended by Starbucks' plain red
cups than you are by the fact that there are millions of people who cannot
afford to buy a Starbucks coffee that is served in one of those plain red cups –
you are what's wrong with the world. Fuck you.
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