To the customer who just advised me to involve my child in a Christian Church:
Fool. Utter, thoughtless, tactless fool. I know in your oblivious mind you thought you were imparting wisdom to me by telling me you struggled when you were a young mom and ultimately this church helped your family and made your children "respectful and well-behaved." You were expressing a heartfelt sentiment to your friendly neighborhood bank teller, who surely also wants her child to be a model citizen. Fine – I can't be angry with you for thinking you were being helpful.
However: I can be angry with you for presuming that any conversation about religion was appropriate in a professional setting, and even less appropriate when offering it in unsolicited advice to a new parent. In your sheltered world a 20-something Caucasian mom must be open to God – especially of the nondenominational Christian variety. Well here's a newsflash, simpleton: this is not an exclusively Christian nation. Seeing as we live on Long Island, there is a fairly high probability that I might practice Judaism, or Catholicism, or even –gasp – atheism. There is a very great possibility that I want nothing to do with your proselytization – and I absolutely do not. "God" talk doesn't belong in a bank, in an office building, in a school, or anyplace that isn't your property or a religious institution. You have a right to your beliefs, but I also have a right to not be forced to listen to them when in a public setting which happens to also be my place of work. I may be an atheist but my outrage is not exclusive to atheists – non-Christians of every variety are constantly bombarded with Christian rhetoric every day while they conduct themselves in business or as they shop or attend school or enjoy leisure activities. Why should any person who practices a religion without Jesus as its savior have to endure propaganda and unsolicited preaching as they walk down the street, eat in a restaurant, or (as in my case) provide customer service in a place of business? I regularly help employees of Christian Churches that bank with my employer and seldom have issues with them because they leave their beliefs out of the interaction, however pious they may be. Take a cue from these polite individuals who understand that a deposit at the bank is not the place to start preaching, even if that is their profession. This is a nation that has separation of church and state written into its Constitution for a reason – we are a nation where people of many faiths coexist, and the easiest way to guarantee the peace is to leave spiritual discourse for locations and spaces where that sort of thing is welcome – at home, or at church, or at an event being hosted by a religious institution.
Being accosted with religion in unwelcome places is an unfortunate consequence of living in a democracy that guarantees free speech – so be it. What really incensed me about your inconsiderate advice was the notion that a 'church' would help me raise "respectful and well-behaved" children. Perhaps the values of your church community were helpful to you as you figured out the way you wanted to raise your family, I won't argue with that. But I am perfectly capable of raising a respectful and well-behaved child without any assistance from a preacher, a parish, or a religious belief system. I don't need God to be a kind, compassionate, moral person. I don't need religious traditions or superstitions to coerce me into treating others with respect or kindness, or to do the right thing. And I most definitely don't need God to raise my child to be a good citizen and a well-adjusted human being. You may have been without conviction or a strong sense of values/discipline when you began raising your family – but I know exactly the sort of skills I want to provide my child with as he grows up. I want more for him than just to be "respectful and well-behaved" – even though I do want that. I want my son to be capable of complex critical thought and analytical of others' actions and motives, I want my son to question the status quo when it seems unfair, I want him to stand up for himself and for others when they are faced with adversity, I want him to accept and befriend people regardless of their gender/sexual orientation/race/ethnicity, and I want him to really appreciate that this life is the only life he'll get so he should make decisions carefully and with consideration for how his actions will impact others and the environment in addition to himself.
And for the record, I've assisted your teenage children at the bank and while they are generally respectful and well-behaved: they are also profoundly clueless and ignorant about anything having to do with their money or adult life. May be you should have spent more time teaching them how to budget and use common sense than teaching them how to be obedient. That's my advice to you going forward.
Sincerely,
An educated mother with no need for your useless religious advice
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